i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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