some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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