On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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