If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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