Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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