just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
