I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
