i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
