My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
