she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
FUCK WHALES
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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