Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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