i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
