i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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