he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
