Someone shit on the floor
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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