3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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