FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
