get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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