Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I believe in your delicious
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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