Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he shaved USA in his pubs
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
