this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
