...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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