we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize