I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
