I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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