Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
