i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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