you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
