Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
