You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
