is your mom at the bar?
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
only you would photoshop your dick
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
