omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Randomize
