My room smells like vodka and shame
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
