After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
