the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
