no you cant smoke seaweed
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
