So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
