When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize