i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Randomize
