Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
