Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
