you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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