I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
