3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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