She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize