Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
