All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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