Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
