I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
