is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
