I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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