A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
