so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
do herpes really smell.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
