i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
