you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
