they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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