"it" just moved
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
well you can't waste a boner
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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