from now on my penis is your penis
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
