I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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