I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
