This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
