so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
