Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
