we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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