no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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