so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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