Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
