i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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