i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize