I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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