God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize