after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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