nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
