god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
