I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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