I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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