Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
